Bizarre Late Night Reading Material

Bizarre Cover Nov 2007 One night, around 2am or so, we were stuck at Penn Station, waiting for our train. The homeless moved slowly and deliberately around us, and the drunk and slutty girls looked for safety in numbers. That was entertaining enough, but we had another good 30 minutes or so to kill. The magazine stand beckoned like the light at the end of a tunnel of boredom. We went straight to the back where they kept the porn.

The magazine that jumped out at us and which I finally bought for about $9 was called ‘Bizarre’ and it was. “Sexy Eel Fun” was promised inside and the Parental Advisory stamp cautioned against purchase by the easily offended.

By the time the train came to carry us home I was thoroughly engrossed reading about the man who raised wolves and fought them for the best parts of a dead carcass to show who was in charge. Next was the Death Dance of Bengal, a tiny little paragraph explaining the picture of a man holding a dead fetus with a belly bloated by the gases that accompany rot.

The magazine is not a haphazard conglomeration of oddities and sensationalism but is very well laid out and well written with a kind of off-hand and down to earth feel to it. Reading ‘Bizarre’ feels almost cozy, despite the porn and the sometimes hard to digest subject matter, because even when it’s talking about rotting arses, it is talking about YOUR rotting arses. A good portion of the magazine is allotted to reader-suggested material or e-mails and pictures the readers sent in.

It also covers movies, music and even literature, as long as all these mediums have something to present that is worthy of the mag’s name. And then there is the Forbidden Zone, which in my (November 2007) issue features Tera Patrick, totally nude, across two pages, just to whet your appetite. Aside from the graphic pictures, there is an actual article where she talks about the restraints put on porn in a completely logical and lucid manner.

This particular issue focused on a new law that is about to be passed, in the U.K. presumably (yeah, you didn’t think this baby was made in the stuffy old U.S. of A, did you?), whereby staged necrophilia, pictures of people being cut up, or eaten, etc, would be illegal, although movies like Hostel 2 would be left unmarred by censorship.

Porn rights aside, which isn’t something I actually care about, I still considered the 60 hardcore DVDs one of the ads was giving away for free and was unnaturally proud of myself for having have seen a fairly hilarious DVD release of the b-movie/black comedy “Black Sheep” which was reviewed in this issue. Seriously, even their ads are fun to look through. T-Shirts come in sizes up to XXXXXXXXXXXXL with such great messages as “I was supposed to end up all over my momma’s face” and “Fat Bastards are harder to kidnap.”

So whatever sick shit you’re into, be it serial killers, midget porn, transsexuals who keep their fannies, horror movies (main-stream as well as totally twisted), rock music, video games, film, or extreme body mods—it’s all here. And they really do encourage you to pitch in. They will buy your sickness (with liqueur).

God Save the Queen.

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