Archive for the ‘ Movies ’ Category

CGI Does not dampen the Epic Glory of Beowulf


Imagine you and your friends are at the local pub having a good old time. Then the police show up due to noise complains and ruin your whole evening. Now, replace the “police” with the Grendel and “ruining your whole evening” with tearing your friends limb from limb, and you’ve got the beginning to the epic tale of Beowulf.

It has taken many years of planning and writing, but the brilliant minds of Neil Gaiman and Roger Avary were able to bring life to the ancient Norse warrior Beowulf. In this modern epic Beowulf is the greatest hero the world has ever known. His exploits are told all across the northlands and his reputation precedes him wherever he travels. Beowulf (Ray Winstone) and his crew of brave warriors arrive in Denmark after pleas from the great King Hrothgar (Anthony Hopkins) whose kingdom is being threatened by the monster Grendel (Crispin Glover). Grendel dispatched, Beowulf is faced with the Grendel’s Mother (Angelina Jolie) who lurks deep in her watery cavern. Continue reading

Saw 4: Have the games really ended?

saw IV teaser photo

If there is one thing the creators of Saw make abundantly clear in the first few minutes of their fourth movie it is that Jigsaw is unmistakably dead. He is lying on the cold metal of an examination table within the lifeless walls of an autopsy room, being dissected.

So how, pray tell, could this movie possibly work? Without revealing much more, let’s just say the story really begins when a tape is found inside Jigsaw’s stomach. Obviously, the detective in the autopsy room plays the tape, only to hear Jigsaw’s final message: the games have only begun. The backdrop is set for the gut-wrenching terror you will soon witness. Continue reading

“Halloween” for the Uninitiated, Zombie Style

Of the three Rob Zombie flicks I’ve seen, I’d have to say that his vision of “Halloween” was my favorite. “House of 1000 Corpses” felt like a blatant rip-off of the original “Texas Chainsaw Massacre”, down to the van full of kids picking up a crazed stranger (in Corpses’ case a sexy, but crazy hitchhiker instead of a retard). Depraved white trash à la “Devil’s Rejects” just isn’t my cup of tea, but “Halloween,” on the other hand, has some merit to it despite being a remake.

Before I go any further, I do wish to admit that I never saw the original Halloween in its entirety. Perhaps it was due to the fact that I was more of a Jason fan, and also because I didn’t find Michael Meyers terrifying. Then again, most of these slasher flicks are the same; trademark unstoppable entity of pure evil kills a bunch of sex-crazed teenagers, and only the “virgins” survive. Story is second to gore. Continue reading

Don’t Block the Cock; Guide the Cock. See “Superbad.”

superbad [psterThis is one of those movies based on drunken teenage antics to speed-dialgue that leave me ashamed of my own inability to put together dick jokes.

“You don’t want college girls to think you suck dick at fucking pussy” do you? Well, here is a tutorial then. “Superbad”, written by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg, is about two teenagers named Seth (Jonah HIll) and Evan (Michael Cera), about to graduate High School and willing to give up a testicle to get accepted and get laid before the finale. Their last chance comes when one of the girls they are after invites them to a party she is throwing at her house and they seal their fates by offering to bring booze via fake ID of third-wheeling friend Fogell played brilliantly by debuting Christopher Mintz-Plasse.

Although this played out story is what drives the plot, the movie is actually about the deep friendship between Seth and Evan and how that is endangered by the fact that they will be going to different colleges. And it is very much about about hormones–male hormones. It is also about slightly crooked cops come father figures out for a joy-ride with booze and guns. There is even a little taste of what the future may hold as the guys end up crashing a house party where the guests are balding and getting brain dead with aspirations no higher than seeing a fight break out. Finally, the movie is specifically about dick, because Seth just can’t let his go. Continue reading

Make Room for Cap’n Shakespeare: Review of “Stardust”

Yvaine on unicorn

“Stardust” seems to have crept up on me. Although I’ve certainly heard of it and have been waiting for it, I didn’t actually expect it anytime soon. A novel by Neil Gaiman made into a movie, filmed somewhere in gorgeous Scotland, with Michelle Pfiffer already cast to play the witch, my hopes were rising.

The plot is fairly simple, and, amazingly, very similar to the one in the novel. A boy in an English village is in love with the pretties girl around and to prove his devotion he promises to bring her a fallen star from beyond the Wall, which has never been crossed, except by his father. There lies a magical world filled with witches, pirates, enchantments as well as some answers as to the boy’s questionable heritage.

I expected the worst; I too dared not hope for anything but a lamer and tamer version of the novel bereft of anything but sweet romance. I gave the movie a chance though, as should you. In fact, go ahead, it really is safe to get your hopes up. Continue reading

Review of “Transformers: The Motion Picture”


Based on the Hasbro line of toys released in the 80’s, along with the popular cartoon, Transformers is an action-packed, all-out robotic war directed by Michael Bay (also responsible for such movies as Bad Boys 1 & 2, The Rock, and Pearl Harbor).

While I have had a few of the toys, and I watched the cartoon occasionally, I will admit that I was never a huge Transformers fan. Perhaps this worked to my advantage here, because having been a hardcore fan of other franchises (such as video games) turned into movies only to find that the movie adaptation completely butchers the canon storyline of the original source is very disappointing (can anyone say Resident Evil?).

Transformers, on the other hand, was made in a way that could be enjoyed by both seasoned and non-fans alike. The only ones who may be left out are the fanatics who nitpick to a fault.

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A slap of grime with a side of murder and endorphins: Review of “Perfume: The Story of A Murderer”

Without any prior inkling of what the plot may be aside from what the title provided, I entered the theater and was overwhelmed by the filth on screen. Literal filth that is, of the maggots and fish guts variety. The dirt and refuse of Paris in the 1800’s. Despite my body’s better judgment, with flies flying over rat corpses so close to my face, my jaw dropped, and stayed dropped, all the way to the end of the movie.

The plot is filled with twists and a lot of it is a wonderful example of “show, not tell” that is preached by creative writing teachers everywhere and should really be exercised more often in film. There is dialogue and there is even a narrator, which gives the movie it’s fairy tale essence, but the main character is a man of few words and the most moving scenes are silent.

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